It was one of them that just had a mix of about everything. I laughed hard. I cried hard too. I got on my mat for 90 minutes for the stillness. I had lunch with a friend who listened. I had an evening filled with special time with my girl.
We all have those days.
There was some yucky stuff. But there was good. A lot of it. But from here on out guys, it’s just about time to start focusing on the good.
Sometimes we feel messy because we are emotional beings that live in a messy world. It’s not that WE are a mess. But the things around us sometimes are. I have to find the gratitude in the ability to feel. To love so much, to care so much, to desire so much that we feel it. Did you ever think about that? There was a second where I felt bad for how much I ‘feel’. And then I got rid of that thought pretty quick because it is truly a gift. Maybe not everyone celebrates it. Maybe people see it as a weakness. You know, I actually feel bad for people who deflect their emotions because they somehow perceive them to be something negative.
Earlier this week one morning before school, my daughter proclaimed just how ‘happy’ she was to be HERSELF! What a joy. She’s ‘Awesome Abbie’, as we’ve called her in the past. And then later, as she recapped her school day, she had ‘A DAY’. She told me hurt she was feeling by someone not treating her well. As she rested her head on the pillow, she told me of someone laughing and someone giggling and someone eye rolling. Middle school can be brutal, right? Even though she can say, ‘I’m so happy to be me’, how quickly one can second guess themselves! And so I reminded her again that she IS awesome and capable and kind. And that people will hurt you. They just will. But deep, deep down, at the core of your being, you must always believe you are awesome and that God created for a purpose. There is something good to celebrate in every day. And most likely, she will not remember the details of sixth grade. I surely don’t.
I needed to go back to that reminder myself. There’s good. There’s purpose.
It was a day where I officially knew that things were changing. Old ways are to become new ways. At the end of the day, a friend’s message came through. “I regret nothing.” I focused on the truth of that. Who could possibly regret one minute of this journey that has led me right to this place?
Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
Good is all around. God is all around. I see goals and dreams in my head for the first time in a long time. Yes, they look a little different then they did before. But finally, I have the ability to celebrate that!
In every single day, there is good and there is purpose. And I rested my head on the pillow and gave thanks.