I haven’t written in awhile. There even have been times I’ve considered deleting this blog altogether, but something inside held me back. Some of the entries I wrote in the past were raw and emotional. Honestly, it’s scary to show yourself to the people that think they know you. Critics caused me to doubt myself over past months. That little voice showed up and told me that my story doesn’t matter, that I’m hurting people by sharing it. I hate that voice. Let me be clear that I don’t hate the critics, I actually love them deeply. They don’t mean to hurt, they’re just scared. What I hate is that I’ve allowed their fear to become a part of me and become bigger to me than the good that my writing can do. They are scared because maybe my truth shows a little bit of their truth. Something messy in me might also be in them. Weakness. Imperfection. Failure. Fear. Words we don’t like to say. Things we don’t like to feel. Emotions we try to bury and hide.
In recent months, I’ve spent a bunch of time wrapped inside of Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle Melton’s work. These ladies have given me the courage to keep writing. I’ve learned a whole bunch about vulnerability and truth and owning your story. Much of what they teach resonates with me because I’m an emotional being. I’ve actually been called sensitive my entire life and I’ve grown, even in my adulthood, to see it as a weakness. But the work I’ve been doing on me has allowed me to turn that perceived weakness into a strength. Truth can be covered up under a warm blanket by the word ‘sensitive’. The word itself is just an excuse. Something to blame. A cover up.
I need to continue writing because honesty frees people. It frees the people out there willing to admit and own the fact that they are also imperfect. I don’t claim to know it all. I don’t claim to be right. But it’s my hope that as I write, you’ll see a little bit of you in me. You may begin to see sensitivity and vulnerability as a strength. Maybe you’ll have that little ‘ahhh, me TOO.’
You and me – we aren’t as different as you think.